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September, 2007
DIRTY WATER: Fanatic
K5
Think of your grandpa, your best bud, your childhood pet, your first crush, your favorite food, your dream destination vacation, all up for grabs in a Showcase Showdown scenario...
It's all there, and it could all be yours.
But this isn't the Price is Right. There is no bidding contest. All you have is hope. You can only believe. And in this game, maintaining that belief"the belief that it will be you and your crew who will prevail in the end"is the most important action you can take.
So you do believe, with your whole heart and your whole soul. You even find yourself doing crazy things, above and beyond the call, like not going to the bathroom during particular times or wearing your hat inside out or not washing certain articles of clothing. You lay it all out there, whatever you can, and you hope it comes back, and there's Bob Barker with a big smile and a handshake, saying "Congratulations Sox fans!"
That's what it's like in Red Sox Nation, leading up to October, year after year-
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why this intense pull and want for something so intangible? This is why: Love. I was born this way, in love with my team. It's almost a disease, chronic Red Sox Fever.
You could even argue that at times, this infatuation has little to do with baseball. I knew I was a Red Sox fan at a young age, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I knew what "defensive indifference" was-honestly, I'm still hammering out the infield fly rule. Personally, I rate low on the fanatic scale, but love does makes you do crazy stuff. Lie to your boss, for instance. Your boss knows where you are on the afternoon of April 11th, and you aren't at your allergist's office. Love also makes you eat ridiculous things, ridiculous things like cased meat that has been submerged in water that you buy from a box resting on the head of a sweaty guy ten seats of greasy hands away. And it's really freakin' good.
Love also makes you say crazy things. Like when a certain individual dressed in all black makes a call you disagree with and you say, "Hey fatbag, I hear that you bought stupid in bulk at Costco. Why don't you stay at home and watch Quantum Leap with all of your cats, you withered up old woman. I think I hate you forever." That's just crazy talk. You don't really mean it; but you're in love, so you're not really responsible. It is also in this way we explain how love makes you get into fights. You are a freelance artist and the coach of your daughter's tennis team; he is an accountant and a youth minister. Doesn't matter, you are protecting the honor of your love; how could you be held accountable for your actions?
Love. The Red Sox kind. Sometimes painful, sometimes glorious, most times so undeniably enjoyable, but always a way of life.
See you in October, and folks, remember, help control the pet population, have your pets spade or neutered.
- K5
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