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June, 2007
Guidelines: Grooving
By Scott Phair
While far from an expert on wilderness toilets, I have produced a calendar entitled Grooving in Grand Canyon, showing 12 beautiful locations we used for our outdoor potties for the members of my last Grand Canyon trip in 2001. For those of you unfamiliar with the term "Groover", it refers to the portable toilet used on most river trips. Early river runners used a 20mm rocket box for this purpose, and when the deposit was completed, the users had two distinct grooves on their posteriors. I have participated in our own Groover Olympics (full bag toss-46 ft.) in a Seligman, AZ disposal site. I have more than a passing interest in the subject. I have even been shushed at the dinner table for being too forthcoming with explicit stories of disposal.
I discovered on my first Grand Canyon trip in 1986 that many folks have an aversion to taking care of their own shit, literally. Not having many river talents at that point in my budding whitewater career, I quickly saw my chance to significantly improve my chances for the highly coveted INVITATION for subsequent GC trips. (It worked too!) Almost shyly at first, then with ever increasing enthusiasm, I would ask to either set up, take down or carry the groover. Soon I became aware of the underlying complexities of this key position. Oh sure, there are the easy parts like location (easy but key) and the amount of paper needed; one roll per person for every five days with specific instructions to a particularly smart group. Note: that may be the number some use, but this is a highly disputed statistic.
But what about these agonizing decisions: What is the best granular bleach to use for aroma? (My personal favorite is Clorox Blue); do you buy either the Star or the National Enquirer as reading material to expedite the quick release mechanism for those early morning visitors to the groover? (Buy both and a People magazine for the socially curious). Not to mention the health and safety issues that can change the dynamics of a trip in a hurry. (I have heard about this but have not yet had this experience.) So I became a "student of the game" so to speak, and confess I may be the only person on the planet who goes straight to the Camp Toilets section of the NRS catalog when it comes to my house, primarily to discover if there are any new systems for sale.
In three subsequent Grand Canyon trips, I was the "groover man." Incidentally, groover man, like boatman, is non-gender specific, meaning it is a title for a task, not an indicator of anatomy. My boat was the only one to get heavier as the days progressed. I liked that at Lava Falls. I rarely had to entertain my fellow boatmen on my boat and loved to visit them for boat drinks during the cocktail hour (which ranged from 6:30 A.M. to about midnight, depending on the day). I am the one who shows up at the first campfire of the trip with a trash bag with some sand in it and swinging the bag over my head exclaiming "Who pissed in the ?#@%groover?!" (No one did, but it is an effective ruse to get people to remember that no one is allowed to piss in the groover). This is how one segues to hand washing, use of paper products and the basics of groover etiquette.
It is interesting to observe the degree (or lack thereof) to which people become comfortable with living totally outdoors. Some people seem to really need the shelter of a tent, not for protection against the elements, but as some form of closed personal space that they need. I've seen others (even sober!) grab a blanket or even a blue tarp, and just sleep on the beach like large burritos. A person’s level of comfort in the use of the groover seems like a good way to gauge their "oneness" to the outdoor universe, and serve as a reality check that you are "not in Kansas anymore, Toto."
Over the years I have many treasured memories of multi day trips in all kinds of environments. The groover system is always the crown jewel of that treasury. From the most primitive (the dreaded "E-Tool" with the TP on the handle on the Rio Grande in Texas) to a space-age plastic bucket and attached breathing apparatus on our last Green River trip in Utah (the apparatus was for the poop, not the person). The human waste disposal system isn't sexy (to most people anyway) but it is required by law in most spots, and is working best when noticed least. Same with the groover man!
I now have a few more white water skills after guiding commercially for 20+ years. I am still getting invited on trips to go to cool places and do unusual things. I have my eye out for the groovy items and funky places we use to drop a load. Trains and planes have a scary guillotine thing and those appliances take a lot of the fun out of it so I use them as little as possible. Grooving is a way of life and one of the things that every human has in common, no matter what! Surprisingly, I don't find that many people share the depth of my interest in this fascinating subject. It's even tough to bring it up. I've tried "Hey, what do you know about shit?", but that rarely starts a quality conversation. Even when you Google groovers you get lots of hits about music, but few about the good stuff.
It’s a long, slow process to become a groover man, a process that simply can't be hurried. "Are they born or can just the right set of circumstances conspire to create the forge in which the groover man is molded?" I can't answer that question. I do know that without somebody paying strict attention to the correct handling of human waste for 7 or even 21 days, a trip can be in serious jeopardy. Next river trip you’re on, make sure to tip your cap to the groover man. He or she has literally "got your back".
Just a reminder, if you’d like to look at my portal, click here: http://guest.portaportal.com/guidelines This site is growing all the time. You can find everything from the level of the West branch of the Penobscot River to, (what else?) the newest groover systems.
Until next time, "never give up!"
Scott Phair is an educational administrator and has been a professional white water raft guide for the last 24 years. He can be reached at scottphair@adelphia.net
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