 |
 |
|
|
|
March, 2007
Road Tripping Allies
By Deb Moulton
MRoad Trip
By Deb Moulton
My parents have a knack for helping young people at difficult, painful times in their lives by taking them along on their cross-country road trips.
My cousin Andy credits my parents as a major factor in turning him from a juvenile delinquent to the productive, happy person he is today. Another relative, whose mother was in the active stage of alcoholism, traveled with my family for an entire summer on a southeast swing of the United States.
Our childhood was one continual road trip. My sisters and I just thought it was normal to be on the road all the time. We were always moving from state to state, town to town to visit relatives, ; but we mostly traveled for my Dad’s work (which is?he’s a professor of outdoor recreation. Yes he gets paid for that). My parents would pile us all in the backseat of a Volvo station wagon: my two sisters, myself, our Springer Spaniel, luggage and camping gear. I think once or twice there was a cat too. We went everywhere: canoeing in the Boundary Waters, the Ozarks, the Bob Marshall Wilderness, the Badlands, the Smokies. We even camped out for an entire summer in Otis, Massachusetts. There were two weeks of continuous rain that summer, and to this day when it is pouring, I automatically think, "I am so glad I am not camping right now." By the time I moved out on my own, there were only five or six states I had never been to.
To this day, I play car games such as looking for license plates of all 50 states without thinking. Alaska and Hawaii can be found. My parents would pile us all in the backseat of a Volvo station wagon: my two sisters, myself, our Springer Spaniel, luggage and camping gear. I think once or twice there was a cat too. We went such places as the Boundary Waters between Canada and Minn., Spring whitewater in the Ozark Mountains and the Bob Marshall Wilderness of Montana. We have stopped at L L Bean at 2am for a pit stop on our way to Ellsworth to visit my grandmother, we have been frozen in the Smokey Mountains trying out new camping bags, suffered heat stroke and windburn in the Badlands of South Dakota on our way to spend a summer at the Petzoldt Lodge in Alta, Wyoming. We even camped out for an entire summer in Otis, Mass, with 2 weeks of continual rain spending the days in a tent trailer or a tent (canvas) and to this day when it rains, my brain automatically thinks, I am so glad I am not camping right now.
Mom and Dad had a few rules to follow which we did not break. One being we were not allowed to swear or talk disrespectfully. Yet I have never heard my Dad raise his voice and I have no memories of physical punishment, except maybe a spanking one or twice as a small child and that amounted to two or three swats on the butt.
Of course, at that point, I was a bit burned out on road trips; and to this daystill they do not come easily. When my kids and I spent quality time together, it was I used down hill skiing at Grand Targhee, and or whitewater rafting on the Snake River for bonding with my children. Day trips.
However, at this moment, I have never been so happy to see my road tripping parents with their latest road warrior, my daughter.
About 2 months ago, Meg was assaulted by a friend that had too much to drink. She said "no", he was bigger and stronger and, she thought, a friend.
The fallout has been what is seen in many victims of assault: She cannot sleep, she talks of dropping out of school due to inability to focus on studies. She is afraid to be around him but still runs into him as they have the same friends. She calls me crying, and distraught, during at all times of the day and the middle of the night. and from work. She is hurting. She will not come home, she wants to run somewhere warm, away from D.C., and heal.
Her first idea was to work her way down to Florida, transportation unknown, and camp out somewhere there, by herself. Then some friends from her work were going to take her with them to Las Vegas road tripping. For whatever reason, they never came by to pick her up on their way out of town. I believe it was divine intervention. When she called me with the news, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to go someplace warm. I flippantly stated Grandma and Grandpa are on their way from Canada (where they live on the north shore of Lake Superior,) to New Orleans. She asked if they might take her along. With the age of cell phones I was able to say, "We can see.". After I hung up with her I quickly called my mom and filled her in on the situation and asked if they could help. Megan would be calling, please don’t tell her I called you, let her fill you in. Mom says, "she is on the other line." I hung up.
About 15 minutes later Meg calls and says, "You called Grandma."
Me: "she was not supposed to tell you."
Meg: "It was the first thing she said when she answered the phone."
My mom called her friends in New Orleans and yes they would love to have them bring her along.
The next day by 2 pm my daughter was in my parent’s car and the "Road Trip" to New Orleans was on.
Even at age 75, my parents run pretty eventful road trips. The first morning of the trip, I receive a text message from Meg: "I have almost died already today." Hmmm, I call Mom on her cell phone, "How is it going?"
Mom: "fine."
Me: "Any excitement this morning?"
Mom: "Hmmm, no why? What did you hear?"
Me: "Meg texted me she almost died today."
Mom: "Oh that, she was exaggerating. Your Father turned up a one way street the wrong way coming out of the Motel." In my mind I can hear my dad saying, "I was only going one way."
Me: "Any cars on the street?"
Mom: "They were a ways down. However, we did mention to Meg if she wanted to be a back seat driver it had to be a life and death situation. This one qualified as life and death, so she did really good job. She noticed it first and your Dad did a U turn."
Megan later: "MOM, He pulled out onto the one way street and there was a car coming at us about 100 feet away. He did a U turn and then stopped in the middle of the road. In the middle of both lanes."
My parents are laughing, finding the situation humorous, with no signs of being shook up. They just continue on down the rRoad as they have done through their road trips over the years. I have never seen anything shake my Dad’s resolve or ability to smile everyday of his life in any situation.
I receive brief updates from my parents, Meg is still not sleeping well, but she is relaxing, laughing; neither of which she has done for a long while. I have been instructed not to worry; everything is "under control." Control is not a word I would use to describe my mom and dad.
I receive calls from the three of them shopping at Best Buy, eating at a Cajun restaurant in Lafayette eating Alligatoralligator, catfish, and drinking coffee and listening to Jazz jazz music somewhere in the middle of New Orleans which was on speaker phone so I could hear the music. Dad plans on taking her hog hunting: "If she wants to write, she needs to have experiences. We’re going to find experiences."
Megan calls and text messages me "Grandpa is a terrible driver." She puts on her iPod so that he won’t turn around to talk to her. He frequently hits the rumble strips on the side of the road when turns around to talk to her. Her voice is more relaxed, she says she is sleeping better and I have heard her laugh. No tears and no calls in the middle of the night, and the calls are less frequent, which means she is doing better. No news is good news from my children. The more they call the more they are struggling. In her last phone call, two days ago, she asked me if I would make an appointment to have her hair cut. She wants to come home for a short visit. We are talking about doing some downhill skiing while she is here. Just a day trip.
The relationships of parents and children is complicated and not an easy road. Being my parent’s child I have struggled with them; and Meg and I have our struggles. Parents are not perfect, we make our mistakes. However, there are those times when the world is a harsher and colder place than expected, and a common ground between family members remains a place for healing and bringing clarity to life. In my parent’s house, a road trip has always been a means to find that common ground. I thanked my mom and dad for taking Meg with them. Mom’s reply: "It was never a question for us." Her and Dad were headed that way anyway.
Email nick [at] noumbrella [dot] com with your questions, comments and concerns.
Design and Content © 2002 to 2006 No Umbrella