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July, 2006
Argument of the Month: Intro
By Zeke Callanan
Before there was talking, there was disagreement. (Caveman: "Ugnhhh." Cavewoman: "Eeinch!"). Before there was stupid shit, people disagreed about it.
I have long been an advocate of these kinds of disagreements, though. They keep you honest, on your toes, and interested in the ever-enduring quest to not only understand something, but also be right about it. In fact, one usually only seeks to increase his own understanding about the workings of something to strengthen the support of his own rightness. When other people are around, they can be used as tools of support so as to make the wrong person feel even worse. Stubbornness should never lead to a grudge, though.
I live with my brother. We have lived together for about 18 of my 25 years, sometimes in the same room (although not since 1995, and NEVER again). A normal day does not go by without some sort of disagreement. If such a day ever did occur, one of us would recognize it. Then we would disagree about whether or not something that was questionable was a disagreement.. Our close friends often wonder how we can go on like this, "fighting."
"We are not fighting, we are discussing," we say.
I stand by that. Fighting happens when something of importance is concerned. I think if we resolved these disagreements the way we used to (he used to simply beat the crap out of me, then I would cry, then he would nearly suffocate me trying to muffle the cry, then I would beat him at a video game), we would not be as good friends, and the No Umbrella would not exist. We would be spending too much time trying to beat one another at the new Zelda.
These arguments have inspired this column. I will chronicle the most ridiculous argument I heard the month prior to publication. They will be up-to-date, real events, and, no question, about something really stupid. If history is any sort of gauge, the discussions will surely put one person's priority against another's.
Long-time friends, marrieds or brothers will always love hanging out with each other. We drive great distances to see old friends, and make great efforts to maximize fun. There is, however, a human nature to necessarily disagree with one another about really stupid shit.
July: Hunger vs. Cleanliness
So we just finished Dan's first round of Disc Golf ever, and we had a grand old time. Several beers deep (except our patient driver, of course), we decided what to do that night. Another friend informed us of a party in Portland that had beer and food, so that was the plan. Then Dan said the unthinkable:"Dude, you mind if we go home real quick so I can shower before we go out?"
Although usually a relatively reasonable request, the following argument ensued:
Nick: " C'mon, man, I am so hungry. You don't need a shower."
Dan: "Nick, we just tromped through the mud and bushes for three hours collecting ticks and various bugs. It will take five minutes."
Zeke: "It's kind of out of the way, Dan."
Nick: "Yeah, did you even sweat? We were just walking around."
Dan: "Yo, I feel dirty."
Nick: "Didn't you take a shower this morning?"
Dan: "It's not like I have to spend hours prettying myself up. It will take like five minutes. My skin feels dirty and my shoes are covered in mud."
Nick: "But did you sweat?"
Dan: "I don't have to reek of B.O., and be offensive to people three feet away to want to take a shower."
Nick: "But did you sweat?"
Dan: "Dude, are you kidding? I feel dirty, and want to take a quick shower."
Nick: "No, no, no. I am just trying to understand. You want to take a shower because your shoes got muddy? Is that right? Am I understanding correctly?"
Dan: "I can't believe we are having this conversation. I am about to go out for the night, and I feel really dirty."
Zeke: "Dan, you are basically married, you don't need to be clean."
Nick: "I am so hungry. I want to eat right now."
This all ended near our place. We told him to make it real quick.
Dan: "I don't even need a shower. I basically want to put on some pants and a new shirt."
Zeke: "Yeah, me too."
Nick: "Yeah, good call."
And the party sucked anyway. There really was no reason to hurry for the cold grill and even colder hamburgers. Both Nick and I are still very glad, though, that we now have a better understanding of what it really means to "feel clean". In fact, Nick just mentioned the other day, just after what seemed like a pretty good shower for him, "Boy, Dan was right about the whole shower thing."
See, all disagreements have their lesson. Lesson learned.
Email nick [at] noumbrella [dot] com with your questions, comments and concerns.
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