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August, 2005
Paddler of the Week:
Bob Mallar
Interview By Zeke Callanan
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Name? “It’s M-a-l-l-a-r. Mallard Duck without the ‘d.’ Like ‘Uck’.”
Nicknames? “Superquad Bob, The Legend, Squibby, or some people just call me Hung. At least those are all the printable ones.”
Bio? “Born in Machias, circa 1961, grew up there, went to college for six years at Indiana State, where Larry Bird went. Then moved back to Machias, and I’ve lived in Carrabasset Valley since 1999.
So you play cribbage? “Yes.”
Ever scored a 29? “No, but I’ve scored a few 69s, for sure.
Any existing family? “My parents still live in Machias, and I have a brother in FL, and one in PA, he’s a harness driver at Pocono Downs.”
How long ya been guiding? “I’ve been a migrant wave farmer for 13 years on the ‘nob and 10 on the Gauley. My goal, which it took me until age 43 to realize I actually had a goal, is to get 1000 commercial runs. 500 on the Penobscot, and 250 on the Gauley. The rest on other rivers. Right now I have about 330 on the ‘nob and 140 on the Gauley. I figure it will take 8-10 more years for that.”
What rivers have you guided? “The three big ones in Maine, The Gauely and the New in West Virginia. And Upper Yough in Maryland, and the Indian into the Hudson in NY, but not commercially.
What’s the biggest difference between the Mighty West branch and the Upper Gauley? “The Gauley is a lot more crowded. And it’s more technical and there are more rapids.”
What companies have you worked for? “My first six years were with Maine Whitewater, back when Jim Ernst owned the company. Then I wasted three years of talent with the company who shall remain spineless, and I’ve been with Pro for the last four years. On the Gauley I’ve worked for ten years with Mountain River Tours which is now Adventures Mountain River. And I’ve slutted a lot on both rivers.”
Other things you do on the river? “Tell jokes, and drink PBR.”
Who was the most beautiful woman you’ve ever taken down the river? “I’d have to say it was this woman Susan, who was a model for Virginia Slims cigarettes. She had such beautiful green eyes I couldn’t even tell you if she had t*ts or not.”
What do you do in the winters? “Breed. I have three sisters and I’m from Washington County. [pause for laughter] I am a vertical transport engineer, a lift foreman at Sugarloaf, full-time.”
Do you have a best river moment? “”That’s a tough one, I don’t know. Well one time running the [Newosadnehunk] Falls, my raft came out straight up and down and shot five or six feet out of the air like a rocketship. That was pretty cool.”
Best day on the river? “I’m still working towards utopia.”
Dumbest thing you’ve ever seen a new guide do? “That one would have to be me. Once I ran the [Penobscot] Gorge without my PFD. Luckily I didn’t swim. Also, though, in 1994 I watched a Northern Outdoors raft pin on Guardian and the guides, I think it was Paul Rickert and Andy Hodges or Hodgkins tie their guide knife to their T-grip and cut the raft in half to get it off the rock. Half got Z-dragged to shore and the other half is still down there I’m pretty sure. Somebody got video of it and played it at the carnage awards that year.”
Is the curse about taking friend and family down the river true? “I wouldn’t know. I would never allow friends or family in my raft.”
What’s your favorite rapid ever? “Pillow Rock on the Gauley. There’s drops, boofs, it has everything. It’s steep, fast, and white. I wish I had one in my back yard.”
What was your first raft trip like? “It was an 18’ Avon Spirit bucket boat on the ‘nob at about 3500 or so. We all survived so they hired me.”
Do you have a story you want to share with the readers of No Umbrella? “I guess it’s more of a question I was asked once. A really dumb question. A ways back we did a Kennebec trip, and took out at Crusher. On the way back to base, there, coming into Moscow, the river turns a distinct Emerald Green color and what looks like a finger coming off the lake is there, and this woman from the trip asks, ‘So the river just comes down to here and stops?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, it goes underground for about a mile and a half, and then comes up again. That’s why we don’t run the rafts down here, because most people can’t hold their breath for that long.’ That was probably the dumbest question I’ve ever gotten.
Good one. Finally, do you have some words of wisdom for us? “Respect the river. Keep rockin,’ keep rollin,’ and keep drinkin’ the PBR.
Thanks a lot, Bob for taking the time to do the interview. I had to call him at his house to do it, we appreciate it, Bob. We had a good chat about the Gauley and rivers in general, and I wished him luck on his goal to reach 1000.
Email nick [at] noumbrella [dot] com with your questions, comments and concerns.
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