May/June, 2005
Out with the old?
Subjective News
By Zeke Callanan
Here are a few uses for old No Umbrellas; but, please, do make sure that you have read each issue very completely and thoroughly, as some of these suggestions do require irreversible damage to the paper. I have taken the liberty of breaking my suggestions down into categories of use:
Absorption:
Open up for quick bacon grease absorber
Clean-up for dog mess
An easy-to-read dropcloth
Clean out your catch of the day on it
Sop up water in tent
Dry your booties, or shoes (photo)
Oil change/check
Many put together can be used as a beautiful tablecloth
Umbrella
Reshape to make something new:
Roll up to swat flies
Roll into a funnel
Funnel up for a blow horn or to amplify bird calls
Put it through that annoying process of paper Mache
Fold up some paper airplanes
Fold up for a doorstop
Fold up or stack many to prop up one leg of an unbalanced table/chair
They are malleable for kayak outfitting in a pinch
Take apart for wrapping paper, there is a birthday every single day of the year
Fold up some origami
Stack many for great pillow/head support
Funnel it to remove ear wax build-up
In the wilderness:
Wave in front of face, yours or others, for a sweet fan
Great practical joke when dipped in honey and left in open tent in Great North Woods. Only at your own risk, I take credit for no losses.
Ball up under kindling to start fire
Open up, hold over head for instant shade
Flag down cars when thumbing
Get animal feces or other forms of goo off shoe; if you fold it just right you get in the really tight parts of your sole
Be careful when blowing nose, they’re not dosed with aloe
Heed the same warning when using as toilet paper (ask Nick, he still has hemorrhoids), but they’re biodegradable when ripped into small bite-sized pieces (Geib photo)
One page could be a napkin
While another your plate
Use them as is:
Re-read, those crazy Mainer stories never get old!
Beautiful cover pages make great posters--thanks, Kristen, Sara
Sell more subscriptions to NU to friends and family—lead by example
Read as a decoy when being shady (for example: while people watching or scouting a run with ‘private property’ put in)
Something to do with those really boring crews (keep them in your drybag); some quality family entertainment from Jacuzzi to take-out, or the Abol flat water
Something to do at put-in (keep some in the trip vehicle), when you’re fast and you know it
Sell them to flatlanders as collectibles…by the way we have many, mint condition for $50 an issue
Raft guides: give them to your customers as collectibles. Better yet, encourage them to buy subscriptions so they’ll “be in the know” about the Maine Outdoor Scene.
If you like none of these suggestions, then perhaps you, my friend, are a ‘saver.’ If not, and the case is that I have been so blind to have missed a blatantly obvious alternative use, please do write a letter to the editor so that we all may be informed of new uses for old No Umbrellas.
Design and Content © 2002 to 2006 No Umbrella