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Surfing at Smooth Ledge Letters to the Editor
Skidoos on Big Wood

Thursday, July, 31, 2003
   It was another gorgeous day in Jackman on Big Wood Pond. A still day with huge fluffy clouds. The sun high in the sky warming the clear glass water. Along the shores of Big Wood a large flock of young long necked geese floated serenely by as I began to paint the distant blue mountains. Eleven or twelve baby loon looking birds were being trained by their mother. Scooting up and down the water. Diving under. Swimming fast. Swimming slow. A few canoes paddled by. Birds chirped in the background. Children laughed playing in the water.

   Then the two Skidoos started. Racing their motors. Flying up , down and around. 25 miles an hour, 50, 70. Engines grating with a high frequency like a dentist drill. There was nothing left of the peace & quiet on Big Wood. All there was was two Skidoos & their disrupting noise speeding back and forth, around and around and up and down with their high speed motors opened up full speed ahead. I got up from my painting and went inside. Even though I was trying to quit I had to have a cigarette. I came back down to the beach and there they were, the two of them. Two young men on their Skidoos. I called out. Are you from around here? They had to turn their motors off to hear me. No they said. Your loud noise is disturbing the whole pond I said. They said nothing and drove away.

    ~Sally Gorman, Jackman, Maine

Thanks to Clyde for submitting the above photo of an unidentified boater at Smooth Ledge on the Rapid River.
Buyer Beware
(contributed by John Rabbit)


Yesterday my boss and company owner asked me to make a side trip for the company while running my own personal errands. I didn't really mind. I know that trying to find business items north of Skowhegan is next to nil. The Bossman wanted me to pick up as many VHS tapes as I could from Wal-Mart. These tapes, of course, would soon be used for rafting videos for customers.
Dressed as I normally do in a company hat and staff t-shirt (that seems all I own these days), I walk into Wal-Mart grab a shopping cart and head straight for the electronics section. After pricing the different tapes to see which would save the Bossman some money, I began to load my cart. I cleaned out the shelf and asked the frowning faced employee if she had any more in the storeroom. While she went to look I stood there with the shopping cart full of videotapes. People would walk by giving me funny looks and it started to amuse me. Soon folks started asking me why I needed all those tapes. So I told them "I'm in the porn industry."
I never had so much fun at that damn store!
So beware video boaters, if you find your tape supply suddenly running low go to Farmington or even better- discretely order online.
Ugly Box of Random, Delirious Funk What About a Basketball Court?

Lets get the state to build Brandon Berry & the kids in The Forks a basketball court!
   Lets force the state to build basketball courts at the ball field in The Forks. When the state created the legislation that regulated the whitewater rafting industry in 1982, part of the legislation insisted that every rafting company pay the state $1 per person, part of which was to be given back to be invested in the communities surrounding the Kennebec, Penobsoct & Dead Rivers. While I know it must shock all of you that the state has gladly accepted over 1.5 million dollars in the last 20 years, we are still waiting for the state to spend any of the money they have collected from the rafting outfitters on The Forks.
   I recently attended a Valley High basketball scrimmage, and after talking with Brandon Berry (great ballplayer with a good outside shot and no court to practice on), I realized the time has come to force the state’s hand. Let’s force them to follow the law that they wrote and put some money into The Forks. Here are a few ideas of what we can ask for:

1) basketball court, jungle gym, & playground
2) 3-6 basketball courts allowing The Forks & surrounding businesses to host basketball tournaments for AAU teams in New England (my son plays for Brunswick AAU and you would be surprised how easy it is to get 100 – 200 kids to travel to these tournaments.
3) Any idea you come up with that is better than the two above. Perhaps this is an idea that The Forks Chamber of Commerce can get behind. It is time to force the state’s hand, 20 years of neglect shows that they will not do anything unless we force them to follow the law that they created.
-Jay Schurman
How are you doing?
How are we doing?
No Umbrella welcomes letters to the editor. Address them to P.O. Box 153 West Forks, ME 04985
SHUTTLE RIDE SIMPSONS TRIVIA
1]Who was Homer's secretary when he was promoted? A)Karl B)Lenny C)Barney D)Smithers
2]What excuse does Homer use (on his insurance form) for buying Dimoxinil? A)”I like pets.” B)”I can’t breathe without it.” C)”To keep brain from freezing.” D)”So the children won’t hate me.”
3]Who is McBain's nemesis? A)Mendoza B)Volkov C)Gertrude D)Dr. Doomsday.
4] What celebrity took over the Kwik-E-Mart after Apu got fired? A)James Woods B)Ringo Starr C)Troy McClure D)Gary Busey
5]Who did Bart sell his soul to? A)Milhouse B)The comic book guy C)Moe D)Ralph
(answers in print edition)


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