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...A list by the editor:
--"Who wants to marry a Survivor before he sues you for $1 Billion and becomes America's Idol?"
In this show, filmed on a 150 foot yacht called the "U.S.S. INC. sponsored by AOL, MTV, MBNA and the NBA", reality TV reaches the peak of fantasy as desperate people jump through ridiculous hoops for our voyeuristic enjoyment. Don't miss a second, your life could very well depend on it.
-"Daddy, which one of us do you love the most?"
And you thought the line had been drawn with marriage? This show brings stable families onstage and attempts to truly rip them apart. Using thought-provoking devices such as the Lie Detector, Virtual Chinese Torture, The Wheel of Death and Five Minutes Alone with a Scary Detective, this show will reveal to America, once and for all, who really is "Daddy's Girl." Family units are a small price to pay for our right to enjoy ourselves.
-"The National Red Hot Dog Eating Championships"
According to Parade Magazine, the "activity" of competitive eating (they called it a "sport" but, dammit, I am making a stand on this one) is experiencing unprecedented growth. This show would help to projectile it into the national spotlight. Nationally ranked eaters compete for the title of "Fattest Ass in the Country." First prize: $100,000 and the new "Don't-Get-Up System: the remote that controls absolutely everything." Make this show part of your families' perfect TV dinner.
-"The Billionaire's Burden"
This show becomes the billionaire's burden as it outlines how unfathomingly rich people exploit tax laws, trade exemptions, and a largely apathetic American citizenry to their own personal gain. Public records reveal humongous profits, yet these folks still manage to say with a straight face that the economy is suffering and they'll have to cut jobs.
Keep the cameras rolling as the show’s hosts try to approach them to ask what they actually do to earn their $50+ million a year. Hey, don't feel bad for them: they could kill you and then buy their way out of prison.
-"Opposite Day in the Media"
Let's find out more about the objective people who are reporting the news. This show features a Q and A with famous members of the media and subjects them to every probing, personal question they have ever asked a murder suspect, assault victim, surviving family member or politician. Let's find out about estranged family members, drugs done in college, mental/rehab hospital stays, opinions on racism and more. "No Comment", no problem!! We'll gladly move on to the next question - as soon as they start to cry for Mama!
-Okay. The last one is this:
A young Maine raft guide starts a publication for outdoorsy types and in one of the issues he prints a list of ideas for new TV shows... Well, in an unclear set of circumstances, a shallow, seedy Hollywood person gets his hands on the list and begins to produce shows based on the raft guide’s ideas. The raft guide cannot afford a lawsuit, so he cuts his hair, quits chewing Kodiak and devotes his life to destroying the Hollywood Entertainment Empire. This high-action series follows the raft guide across the country and back, climaxing in the final episode when the Hollywood person meets his end, duct-taped to a backboard going over Moxie Falls.
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