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A Guide's Guide to Guiding
For this issue No Umbrella asked Maine Whitewater Guides to tell us their secrets...
{interviews by Kristen Kaiser}
Do you threaten your guests? With what?
"No, because I can swim, and I'm okay with that" - Dan
"Yes, I won’t let them back into the boat until
they retrieve their paddle." - Kristen
"Yeah, I threaten camp kids with my knife"
-Chris
"Yes, with a good time" - Joe
"That leeches are on the shore, swim back to the boat" - Julie
"For every T-grip violation, that's one beer to the guide" - Bruce K
What is the silliest thing you have ever seen a guest do?
“Lose his pants completely at Sneaker Hole for the rest of the day”- Ryan
What is in your dry bag? Anything in particular?
“Goggles and a snorkel” - Peggy
“Extra clothes, to reduce whining”- Tim
“Condoms...you never know” - Isaac
“A bag of Twizzlers” - Jen
“Everything, you can survive a nuclear holocaust with my dry bag” - Karen
What was your best/worst tip this summer?
“Worst tip was empty beer cans and cigarette butts” - Dan
“An eleven-year-old kid decided not to buy a Pepsi and instead gave me his $1.25” -
What is your favorite piece of gear?
“Flip-line” - Dan
“Urn, the life jacket rates pretty high” - Tweety
“I like the thwarts, squeeze into them and soak
in the sun” -Zack
“My ‘Oh Shit’ NRS strap”- J
“My fuzzy rubber top and my pink shorts” - Kristen
Have you ever gone home with a "custy"? How was it?
“Yes, but the bed was too small in the cabin tent” - Mike
Do you adhere to any river ritual or superstitions?
“I carry two sets of girly beads in my jacket pocket, one to ‘protect’ myself and one other for my co-workers” - Tim
“Stretching in the a.m.” - Issac
“Many. Paying respect to the river whenever
“Never put your boat on backwards for shuttle” -
“Yes. I touch McKay Station when walking by” -
“I splash water on my face at the start of every trip” - Kristen M.
Best Piece of Advice
“For every one mile of road, there's two-count 'em two-miles of ditch” - Kris
“Assume from the get go that everyone is a moron...unless they prove otherwise” -Tim
“Paddle!” -Bruce
“Use the Mo Sicka Style” -Rigz
“Mouth closed, eyes open. Toes and nose up”< - J
“When in doubt lie, lie, lie” - P.D.
Email nick [at] noumbrella [dot] com with your questions, comments and concerns.
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